So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
How's work?
Spinning.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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