We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
