I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Randomize
