i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
