When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
