I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
