If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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