Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
