U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
