Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
How external is "for external use only"?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
