Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize