her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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