Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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