please come you make the beer taste better
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
