david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
