You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
