She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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