Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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