so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We are all done wearing pants today
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize