I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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