This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
