wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
