im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
foreskin is a definite game changer
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
