from now on my penis is your penis
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
