She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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