God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
