I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize