Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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