I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
