Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize