So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
