Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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