Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
