ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
