I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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