Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Randomize
