he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
