is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
