Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
