Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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