just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
