you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
