Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
