Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
