Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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