just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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