He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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