i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
