oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
