Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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