but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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