hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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