she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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