Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
