I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
