i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
