Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
