i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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