found the other keg... it's in the tree
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
