She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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