The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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