He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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