we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
