remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
