i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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