What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
