Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
