In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
