you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
