my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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