we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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