Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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