I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
