I think I died a long time ago.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
