I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Floor bacon is actually really good
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
