Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
