Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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