She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
