you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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