My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize