I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
No subtext here. People are naked.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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