i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
