i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
