you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
