I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize