its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
one two three fourrrrnication!
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
