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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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