The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
