But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
