How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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