Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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