Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
