I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
