So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
