I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
