I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
