dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
