I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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