What did we do last night that was yellow?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
