Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
