i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
