dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
