something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize