actually, I'm a sock model
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
