he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
