Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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