I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We have started to decorate penises.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
