I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
