He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
