I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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