The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
