Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
