i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
