So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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