im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I think I won the penis lottery.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
