I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
my liver is dry heaving
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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