Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
