Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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