4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize